in defense of ze

2 min readApr 21, 2019

dialectical discourse has died in the land of ze, where thesis and its antithesis are now irrelevant.

the hegelian approach no longer applies. evolving real ideas is passé. reality will no longer be expressed in rational categories.

arguments will be replaced by 47-second video clips decorated with pink unicorns and punchlines. these messages will be inspired by ze, produced by ze!team and posted on a need-to-know basis.

we should thank ze for not agreeing to debate. the exchange of ideas could have actually hurt voters instead of benefiting them, muddling perceptions and previously accepted facts.

luckily for us, ze has a great sense of humor. he also has ideas about how best to end the war with russia and battle corruption. the reason we don’t know what these ideas are is because ze has been busy running for president and hasn’t had time to distill them into instagram posts.

what is the difference is between бунтари and повстанцы? just ask ze. he will explain why rebellion does not mean insurrection, how collaborators are not secessionists and why intervention might mean invasion, but not necessarily.

the most important thing is that ze knows what he wants to say. that he’s incapable of formulating his thoughts in complete sentences is besides the point, because the de facto president has already starting studying ukrainian.




а рассеянный journalist who spends his free time collecting ideas, running and learning new technologies.